Half Way Isn’t Enough

I remember that day as if he just left yesterday. His bags were packed & he was ready to go. I might’ve wondered how I could stop this deployment from happening, but I knew it was too good to be true. Who was I to think that I had enough woman power to stop him from leaving? My heart was already torn and I hated that my best friend was leaving me behind…again.

We made pacts before he left of all the things we would do when he got back home. Disney World, Sea World, Myrtle Beach, etc. the possibilities were endless and it wasn’t even day one of the deployment. Day one in military world is Day Zero. Day Zero counts for nothing.

By Month 1, my days are only getting longer and Im still in shock of how slow it’s went by. My depression consumed me & I was barely putting one foot in front of the other. Work was not exactly on my priority list & I was fighting all the demons inside to keep me from doing my daily routine.

Month 2, my depression was slowly fading and I was finding ways to cope with missing my husband. Not as much as I would like but I was making progress. Training hasn’t even started and we were barely getting to talk. I was making myself work as much as I could to keep my mind busy.

Month 3, car accident, or should we say fender bender. My anxiety goes out the roof & I’m not sure what to do. This is my first car accident on my own & I managed to do everything right. After the car accident & 3 weeks later, my car was brand new. New bumper, new tag light & the scratches were non existent. Life can finally go back to normal…for about a week. E was starting training so I knew life was about to get a lot more difficult. Those texts, FaceTime calls, & hearing his voice simply made life go by so much easier.

Memorial Day weekend, my parents didn’t want me to be alone. I packed my bags along with Bella & we made our way to Myrtle Beach. I’d never been so happy to pack 2 bags & a dog leash. All my worries faded away for 3 days & I finally felt at peace. My feet were in the ocean with the sand in between my toes, life was bearable & I was happy. I had a smile on my face the entire weekend, along with Bella by my side.

My car was perfect, & everything was running smoothly…not so much. One week later, I end up in the urgent care & 2 days out of work. Alright Mother Nature, I’m done with your crap. I go back to work as good as new. As of Monday of this week, I wanted to throw my hands up & waive them like I just didn’t care!

My sweet & stubborn Bella wants to force her illness on Mother Nature dearest. Throw up once, she’s getting out of her system. Throw up twice, seriously? Throw up three times, alright. I’m declaring Murphy’s Law now. My heart is racing and my only thought is to take her to the ER vet & get answers. Mother instincts? Maybe so. I stop in my tracks and only wonder how much this visit is going to cost.

The next day, my nerves are shot. My body is thinking it’s been up for days, but in reality I’m running into overtime. I can’t sleep. My insomnia is beyond belief & I just want to wake up and this deployment to be a dream. I’m going to conquer deployment number 2 with dignity even if it takes every single last bit of it. I may not be the perfect Army Wife or live the life we are suppose to live, there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. My light is somewhat shinning in the distance, but I can see it.


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Hi, I'm Jennifer. I'm a military spouse living life with my wonderful husband. I'm a southern belle at heart, as of right now, our lives are every where in needs of the Army. I have a four year bachelor degree in Healthcare Administration. I love life and the outdoors. I miss my family every single day, but I love the military wife lifestyle. I'm quite a bookworm and I love every minute of it.

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