I’m still alive and well. That counts for something right? dinner was cooked for the 3rd time last night, and I managed to make it taste decent. My breakdowns are minimal, but I’m still finding myself getting sad every so often.
My husband deployed 2 months ago, 63 days to be exact. I always hated the idea of trying to picture him being gone most of our marriage, but thats the only thing I know. We’ve been together 10 years, and married for 5. We lived together a total of 2 years of our 5 year marriage. Insane right? Thats the military life. I’ve never known a “stable” marriage, and honestly I’m okay with it some days.
When we argue, it honestly makes me feel good so that I can stay in my spot and think about the things we’ve said. Arguments are more existent rather than decent conversations on deployment. Heres a few reasons why;
Financial reasons. Let’s face it, everyone have financial issues. You’re budgeting what we both need to spend in order to get through everyday life with what we need. You tend to worry about who’s going to eat what and when the military is going to take BAS for his food. The clothes on your back for work are also important. He needs new shirts for his uniform, a new PT belt, and even boots that cost more than my wardrobe.
Being alone will always take a toll when you live this lifestyle. No matter how close family is, you’re always going to feel alone. Family will always be your support no matter what. When family has never been through it, thats when they dont understand what youre going through. My mom has become my best friend through this all. When I’m having rough days, I can call her and she tells me what exactly I need to hear. You have temptations all around you because you are alone, but straying away from that is what will keep your marriage healthy.
Communication is key. In this lifestyle, if you dont have communication, you have absolutely nothing. When they finally come home, they see how your phone is practically glued to your hand and they are upset. My phone is constantly on me and I have to expect a phone call at any moments notice. You will never see me without my phone, because youre constantly waiting on one text or that one phone call that could make or break your day. You will go days, months, and even weeks without one simple text much less than a phone call. Basic training was my first time experiencing that. Basic training was 3 phone calls in 3 months, even then I was lucky. Communication will always be key in this life, no matter what.
Coping with this life is no where near easy. I have my bad days as well as my good. My bad days have been outweighing my good lately, but I will get out of my cycle soon enough. I went out for the first time with some co-workers recently for my birthday and had an amazing time. I finally got out of the house with friends who were making me think less about this deployment. For one day, I was no longer thinking of the distance, the phone calls, the arguments, and much less my sadness I had been enduring for a long time.
Deployment is stressful. It will beat you down, tear you apart, and even bring you up in ways you couldnt imagine. It’s an insane emotional roller coaster, but the ride is amazing. You will experience new things, and even take adventures to get out of your comfort zone. On my first deployment with my husband, I got first tattoo along with my second. I made more friends and even explored the beautiful city of Austin, Texas with co-workers. I went to events with some of the army wives so I could be more social and being around people who understood what I was going through. If you’ve never lived this life and been in our shoes, dont be too quick to judge.
When you go near a military town, dont look down on the wife who is having a bad day and only needs a smile to make her day. Dont look at the mom who at the store with her kids and she looks exhausted, she was probably up half the night with her kids and living life as a single parent. Dont judge the husband who is ready to have his wife back home after an exhausting 9 month deployment and needs her for comfort. These days are beyond stressful and mentally, physically exhausting, but there is always that one thing at the end of it all that makes it worth while.