As I sit here, I continue to wonder… who am I? Why is my life so significant in this world? I continue to ask myself whats my purpose? why did God put me on this earth? As a teenager, I played sports, loved school, and I had to many friends. I loved my life, it was easy and very simple. My family and I always did everything together, there was nothing I couldn’t tell my parents and I always cherished that. I finally went off to college and experienced some hard times along with some easy ones, but nothing was going to stop me from graduating with my degree. I had it all. I had the man of my dreams, the family that supported me in everything I did and I had countless friends I knew I could depend on.
After graduating college, I became another person. I grew up. I knew the day after I graduated college, life was never going to be the same. I moved over 1,000 miles away from my entire family, my entire life. I was leaving everything behind to maybe find myself and to enjoy life with my better half, my husband. when I moved here, I thought things would be easy and pretty enjoyable, it was for my first part of it.
I stayed at home for 4 months and I hated every minute of it. I hated being stuck in the house all day and remembering what it was like to get out and hang out with friends. I didn’t know anyone, I just moved over 1,000 miles away and I was all alone. I called my parents all the time and it only hurt me more to realize this was a lot harder than I thought. I was drowning in pain a little while after I realized this was not the life I had intended it to be.
I finally accepted my first job after countless interviews and I was so excited! I was making friends and I was finally getting to put my degree to use. I was like a kid in a candy store! Everything was starting to fall into place and I couldn’t have been more stoked to finally get out of the house and make more income to help out my husband. As time went on, I was continuing to make more friends and it was just easy. I had everything I wanted as this point, but something seemed to be missing.
I was happy, happier than I was previously. I really started to question my life as in, Who am I? what is God’s purpose in this world? why did he put me on this earth? was it to get a degree in healthcare administration? was it to be this army wife and follow her husband around everywhere? was it to be the wife who stayed home and took care of kids and the household? why? why? why? For months on end, that’s all I continued to think about.
I’ve become frustrated and irritated because I want to know this question to my answer, but I’ve continued to pray about everything that God is doing in my life. I have a dream to go back to school and become an early childhood education major and teaching little kids in math. It’s always been a dream, I’m going to fight to make this a dream come true, no matter what I do. I’m going to push myself to make this happen. I want to do something for myself and put it to use, and maybe make a difference in a child’s life even if it is just ONE.