I’m Done..


Waking up this morning, everything was all so different. I was going to bed every night wondering how I was going to get through to the next day. I was barely putting one foot in front of the other, and I was sure I was not going to get through this without him. I convinced myself I just couldn’t keep doing this anymore. I’m done. 

I wasnt sure how this life was going to keep me sane one way or the other. Every night, I was consuming more grease with eating out, than even thinking about my own health. I’m drinking countless amounts of caffeine and not hardly a drop of water, let alone anything healthy in my meals. I didn’t really care anymore. I was sleeping more and more when I wasnt working, and being the antisocial person I’d ever known. Who was this person? 

I woke up Friday morning, and realized I cannot keep living this life anymore. 

I miss everything about him. His smell. His smile. His hugs. His contagious laugh. Thursday night, I cried until I couldnt anymore. I felt more sadness than I did the day he left. I went to bed wondering if I could even face the next day especially being around other people. I just cant keep doing this anymore. Is it worth feeling this way? 

Friday morning, I woke up and felt like an entirely different person. I was okay. I spent an entire night crying, and I wake up perfectly fine. The emotions of a deployment are so ununpredictable. You wake up one morning feeling great, and the next morning as if your entire world has completely crashed. The numbness will always be there especially when half of you is half away across the world. 

Why do I do this? I do this because it’s all worth the risk. Its worth the first kiss after 9 months apart. Its worth the hug that you’ll embrace after you’ve hugged a pillow in your bed as if hes been there with you the whole time. You’ll finally get that in person conversation that youve been longing for since Facetime is all you’ve known. You’ll get those butterflies like you did when you went on your first date, even though you’ve been together for 10 years. 

Leaving would be the easy way out right? You might think so. So did I especially when I thought I couldnt do this without him. I wanted to get out, and never look back. I realized that my husband was one of the ONLY things that was keeping me going through it all. I just wanted all these emotions to go away, and the numbness to fade. 

Going to sleep every night, I know that I have an amazing marriage that is still in tact. I have a husband that is thousands of miles away that I grieve all the time he is gone. I cant keep feeling the numbness and the guilt that I feel everyday. I know that if I keep living this way, I will never convince myself that I can do this. I’ve done this once before, I can do this again. I will never not miss my husband, and I will have my good days and bad. I have finally gotten passed my grieving phase and I will keep going no matter how much it kills me to not have him by my side. 



Fast Food & Fiction

It’s day 25 of who knows how many days are left. I’ve cried numerous tears and endured more sadness than I’ve ever taken in. I got a new job & it’s keeping me insanely busy, but days I get up and feel like I can’t put one foot in front of the other.

Overwhelmed is a complete understatement. I haven’t cooked dinner ever since the night before he left. Fast food has become practically a hobby & I’m sometimes drowning in the grease I consume. There is one thing, or maybe a few things that I look forward to every night when I’m home from work. My kids who have paws, Bella & Spitz. Yep, you seen that right, Spitz. She’s a handful but I wouldn’t trade for her anything.

Everyday this deployment, I’ve spent countless money on fast food. Zaxbys, Burger King, McDonalds, Subway. I’ve eaten there. I know, I know. I need to eat healthier, but it just isn’t possible when you’re drowning in your own self pity some nights.

Fast food & fiction, yep. Books. Books are GLORIOUS to me. I have read 1 already in these 3 weeks & picking another right after. Book #1, a romantic novel by Amelia Wilde. Romantic novels on a deployment? Crazy right? I know, it’s so cliche. I may have dropped a tear or two.

Book # 2, fiction. I’ve read countless books on fiction and nonfiction. I’m currently reading Before The Fall By Noah Hawley. The book is basically about a plane crazy with only 2 survivors. A 4 year old and a family friend that was an inspiring painter. More details you say? Sorry, have to read the book in order for you to know!

Deployments are all about patience & timing. They will never be easy. I’ve literally lost myself within these last 3 weeks. I’ve said things I didn’t mean and done things I’d never thought I would do. Finding yourself in a mist of fog is the best to get to know yourself. I’m still learning everyday to cope with not having my husband home, but I know if I don’t get up and put foot in front of the other, it’ll never get done. I signed that dotted line with him and swore to protect his heart while he is protecting our freedom.

That countdown will come to an end, it may not be today or next month. We have all “fast food and fiction days.” I’ve had them everyday since he’s left, and I’m sure I’ll continue.

It’s going to be okay & everything has to come to an end. Be patient. I’ve finally discovered that it’s okay to be patient and give it a chance ❤️

10 Things To Know About Me.

This Is Me. 

I’ve told you everything from the beginning of my military lifestyle with my husband, well now you should get to know who I really am. I have 10 little things that you should know about me and my life.

I’m Jennifer. 

1.) I grew up in a small little town that people barely see on a map.

2.) I have an older brother that is 7 years older than me, even though we werent that close when we grew up.


3.) I used to dance, cheerlead, and throw the baton in the air when I was a little girl.

4.) I quit being a little prissy girl, and turned into a tomboy when I was 8 years old and began playing softball.


5.) I’ve traveled outside of the United States 4 times to The Bahamas twice, Jamaica, and The Dominican Republic.


6.) I was married to my best friend at a young age, and I’ve never wanted anything less.


7.) My husband and I bought our first apartment in 2014.


8.) I have a Bachelors of Science in Healthcare Administration degree that I have obtained for almost 3 years, and barely been able to truly use it to my advantage.


9.) The first time I ever moved away from my parents was May 2015 to the state of Texas, the night after my college graduation.


10.) We finally moved back closer to home to Fort Stewart, GA in November 2017.


You know just a little about me. What’s something interesting about you? 

February Favorites

Hello Everyone! Hope your week has been better than mine, the flu has caught me and wouldnt wish this upon my worst enemy. So I’ve been invited by Holly Davis (one of my fellow bloggers) for February Favorites. This is all still new to me and I would like for you to get to know the real me!

Favorite Place I Went This Month

I’ve never really had a favorite place, honestly. I just moved to Fort Stewart, GA so there is plenty of beaches around. My husband and I visited Hilton Head Island and Tybee this month before he left for his deployment. River Street in Savannah is pretty favorite one of mine as well that we’ve visited quite often! If you’ve never been here or these beaches, you should really check it out! Kid friendly and family fun! 

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Favorite Recipe I Made

I do have a recent blog post of my favorite recipe I made. Who doesnt love Ribs?! Honestly, I didn’t until my husband got me to eat them when we started dating. I wasnt a big meat person unless it was chicken strips! I found a recipe on https://www.buzzfeed.com/robertbroadfoot/one-pan-bbq-baby-back-ribs?bffbtasty&ref=bffbtasty&utm_term=.gpMByl917#.qkj8r1R6L

Go check it out if you love me some yummy bar be que ribs! 


Favorite Outfit I’ve Worn

I’ve never really had a favorite outfit. Although, when my husband came back from deployment, I went shopping for the perfect outfit. It was my a flowy red A Line skirt and a black corder length shirt. It was so hot and I instantly regretted it when I was outside for more than 30 minutes. My outfit didnt really matter at that point anymore though did it? 


Favorite Book/Show/Movie

I have a favorite book, Spilled Milk by K. L. Randis. Its one of my favorite books I’ve ever put my head in. The author is pure genious and her story is motivation to every one who’s ever been in a tragic and unfortunate incident. Give this book a chance if you’re a book lover just as much as I am! 

Favorite Pet Item

I’m obsessed with dog collars. I have bought multiple dog collars for both my dogs and even my cat. 

Favorite Beauty/Skincare Product  

I’m just going to be completely honest with this, I’m not a big make up gooroo. I wear make up typically most days, but I have no favorite product. I do wear covergirl foundation and the only foundation that truly works on my face. 

Favorite Date Night

My favorite date night was one of the last nights in Fort Hood, Texas. I was spending a much needed not – so – stressful night at Plucker’s with my husband. I had not had that much fun in quite some time. I had talks with my husband that we typically dont have, and I would do anything to go back to that night. 


Favorite Cocktail

No alcohol drinker here… 


Favorite Target Find

I dont typically shop at Target, but I LOVE their purses. I’m have a weird and unethical obsession with purses. 


Favorite Activity

My favorite activity is reading. Yep, I’m one of those nerds you call a Bookworm. I would much rather stay at home and read a good book than go out and party all night. I’m a homebody and I have no problem with staying home with a good book, oh and a Mountain Dew! 


Favorite Food 

My favorite food is my grandmas mashed potatoes! Mmmm… She boils them just right and beats them along with milk, salt, pepper, and a little more milk. When we have family get togethers, the mashed potatoes are the first thing I go to! 


Have an amazing weekend! Hope the flu doesnt get you to! 


  • Jennifer



I’ll Never Find A Job..

“I’ll never find a job.” Yep, those were my first words as a military wife that was going to be living 4 states away. I knew nobody. I didnt have a clue what I was getting myself into. I always knew that phrase, “its all about who you know.”

At 16 years old, I got my first job as a cashier at a grocery store. I was a junior in high school. I didnt know what it was like to work at such a young age, because I had everything handed to me in my life. I held that job for 4 years. Four crazy, happy, depressing, and exciting years. I was pretty content with this job, until I found out I wanted to do more with my life.

At this point, I knew I was engaged to my husband now. We got married pretty fast, but it only felt right in the moment and I was ready to be his wife. I only knew that I wanted to pursue more in life and I knew going to college was always a dream of mine. I graduated high school in 2011, and I was still a cashier. I had more worth than this. Making minimum wage and fixing to be starting college, I needed to set my mind more on the prize than worrying about making $7.25 an hour.

When I started college, I loved the life as a freshman. I wanted more out of life and I was going to do that no matter how bad things sucked for a while. I went to college full time, along with making my dreams come true to be a phlebotomist.

College student by day, Vampire by night. I was so excited to start a new journey as something more in life. It was a dangerous job, but I was willing to take a risk. I dedicated every weekend of my summer to take a 10 week course being a phlebotomist. I used the military to help me, MyCAA, was absolutely amazing and I couldnt have done it without them! I only had to pay $60 out of my pocket and I was going to become a phlebotomist before I knew it.

I became certified in 10 short weeks and I was estactic. I found a job, luckily. Although, four months later, I quit. I was upset, but knew this was my only option. My husband decided that after 8 months of being out of the military, he decided to go back in. I was ready to move with him. I was willing to give up my last 3 years I worked so hard for to move with my best friend.

I threated to quit and leave everything behind me to go be with him. There was one problem. I still had one more semester of college in front of me. He told me not to quit and it wouldnt be worth it. He knew what was best for me, so I stayed and finished school. Best decision I ever made.


I graduated college in 2015, and I left for Texas. Alright, here we go. I’ll never find a job. I just graduated college and I have hardly no experience in anything. I have a Bachelors Degree in Healthcare Administration and nobody was going to hire me. Seven months, and I applied for numeous jobs that I was offered, but declined. I wasnt going to accept less than I deserved. I finally accepted at that moment, I was a military spouse. Nobody wanted to hire someone temporarily. I should’ve accepted those other jobs.

Finally, September 2015, I found an amazing job! They fullfilled everything I was looking for and I made amazing friends in the process. They kept me sane while my husband deployed in 2016, and they kept me going everyday at work. I was so grateful for the opportunity they had given me.

Two in a half years went by, and it’s time to PCS. I was devastated, but I knew having a fresh start was good for the both of us. Family was home and thats where we were sent. Fort Stewart, GA. Our new home for a little while.

When I came here, I was offered a job. I hated it. I had never felt more out of place, and I still do to this day. I miss my old job, my old friends, and our old home. I know I have to give this place a chance. Thats what everyone says. I have to accept that not everything is going to be roses and rainbows. Military life is hard, excrutiating, and painful, but there is something worth it in the end.



Murphy’s Law..That’s All.

Let me put it this way. Murphy’s Law. Need I say more? There’s Murphy’s Law & well, there’s just Murphy’s Law. I have been a victim of this several times and I don’t think you ever truly get out of something NOT happening when you’re a military spouse.

NTC training #1 and my first official time being on my own, my dog decides to bust out my window. $145 and a week later and I had a whole new screen and window. That dog was my world, and I would’ve done anything for him. The window was the LEAST of my problems along the way.

I literally don’t think I’d ever dealt with problems like I did in my life. I thought nothing like this would happen to me. I became another victim of Murphy’s Law. What more could I deal with?

My dryer decides it no longer has a timer OR a heating element. I couldn’t wait to throw out this dryer and be done with it. It still dried my clothes, so I couldn’t complain!

My DirecTV went out during a storm and I did not have TV for about 2-3 days. I get it. You’re probably thinking, “seriously, it’s only TV!” When you’re a military spouse, your daily shows keep you going at night time and on the weekend. Hate if you want, but they get it!

Last but not least, the grossest thing of them all. My septic tank backed up! The most disgusting thing EVER! I was 22 years old dealing with grown up things I’d never had to deal with. My dad was the first person I called to help (even when he’s 14 hours away). He wasn’t exactly sure what to do, but he knew it wasn’t a good thing to leave it the way I had it. I called the agency instantly to help me with this problem! I’m an army wife doing everything on my own! What more could be thrown my way? I was relieved to know at that point, my husband was coming home sooner than we expected, even though it was half still together!

New wife? Eh, nah. I don’t think so. I worked full time, took care of a house (& all the problems that arised), 1 dog, 1 cat, 2 vehicles, and making sure I stayed alive in the process! My friends kept me sane and I was incredibly thankful for them! They got me out of the house even when I became a victim of Murphy’s Law more than once.

Here we are, deployment #2. It’s been 1 week. That’s right. 1 whole week & of course, one of many problems have hit.

My husband and I bought a dog, a sweet miniature schnauzer. Maybe I should’ve done my research a little more before we bought one. My in laws used to breed them and they even own one now, why not get one of our own! When we seen her, I knew she would be ours. It was love at first sight. My sweet Bella became part of our lives about 2 weeks ago. She’s loving, sweet and absolutely adorable!

This sweet girl had been through a few homes before us and we weren’t exactly sure of why that was. How could someone get rid of this sweet baby?

We brought her home and the next day, things took a turn for the worse! She urinated blood and I couldn’t imagine why this could be. My husband took her to the vet to figure out what happened.

Bella had gallstones! Wait, had? That’s right! Bella had surgery 2/16/18 at 11:30 and she was in surgery for about an hour. They removed all the stones and she’s home safe and resting comfortably. It hurts my heart to know this is the way she’s had to start out her life with us.

I never pictured my life without my last dog Bear, but Bear was given to another family that could help him with his anxiety and fear of everything. He was not comfortable with my husband. We did everything we could to give him the best life he could ever have, but Bear was better off with land and other dogs! I still think of Bear every single day and even call our Bella, Bear.

1 week later and I’m working a full time job, taking care of a sick puppy, a crazy cat, & a little apartment. It never fails to know that when your other half leaves, everything breaks!

Welcome to Murphy’s Law. May the odds be forever in your favor!

Kudos to your Military wives!

Keep your head held high and put one foot in front of the other! We got this! Another day down, another day closer.

You Never Get Use To It..

Day 1. I woke up this morning and knew this day would come eventually. I was fine. No tears, no sadness, I felt normal as any other day. Should I feel this way? Was it wrong to feel this way? This didn’t happen the first deployment.

We got up and watched our usual TV show “Ridiculousness” before the craziness began. I looked at him several times, and only thought to myself, “what are these next several months going to bring?” I’m terrified. Horrified is more appropriate, actually. I looked in the corner, it finally hit me. 3 bags were packed, and he was ready to go.

My heart sank and it finally felt real. My sadness had finally overcome my entire body and I felt so lost in the moment. What am I going to do for the next several months? It’s only day 1, and I’m so ready for it to be over.

Deployment is my husbands mistress for the several months, and she’s getting all the attention.

I was getting dressed but it was still a normal day. I was fine again, and thinking to myself, “I can do this!” I knew that there wouldn’t be hesitation when I left him. No tears, no sadness. I’m going to be fine.

I began brushing my teeth and then I realized, my toothbrush was the only one there. Everyday I wake up, 2 toothbrushes are sitting on side of the counter and I know he’s home. Not today, and not for the next several months. My heart shattered. I let out a few tears and hoping it would’ve been my last. I got dressed finally after 45 minutes and I’m back to my usual self! We played around and gave each other silly kisses and playing ball with the dog!

I felt so strong that I knew everything was going to be perfect when he left. The day was finally normal for a little while. It’s 1:00 and he said his goodbyes to our fur babies. Our drive there seemed Normal as if he wasn’t even going anywhere. He was simply going to work and I was just along for the ride. He drops his bags off and we headed for Chic Fil A for lunch, I was surprised I was even hungry. It’s just a normal day. We headed back to his work and I waited for him almost an hour to get his other things.

I was so tired of the anticipation of him leaving, I was ready for the good bye so I didn’t have to wait any longer. I’m strong this time, and I’m going to keep it up. I heard those next words, “okay, this is where I say my final goodbyes” No tears. No sadness. I really must’ve had a lot of practice to be able to do this. He kisses me and he said, “I love you so much!”

” I love you so much” …. I got back in the car and completely lost it.

I knew it was too good to be true. I’m not as strong as I thought, but I held together for him before he left. He didn’t see my tears, my sadness and my ugly cry. I was actually proud of myself keeping it together for as long as I did.

The drive home felt like forever. I wanted nothing more than to turn around and go back and get him. 45 minutes of straight highway and the pouring down rain kept me from completely losing my cool. I had to pay attention and stay safe no matter how bad I felt. I’m stronger than this and I can do this. I finally pulled into the gate and I couldn’t get out of the car. It didn’t feel right to go in. I walked up to the apartment and I’d never felt so alone. I thought about all the clothes I had to wash of his, and how his smell would fade away. His recliner will remain empty and I have to fill it while he’s away. All the food he bought will only need to be thrown away because it will spoil in those several months.

I never thought this life could only make you think of the small things and how much they really mean to you. I don’t want self pity and someone to tell me they’re sorry for what I’m going through. I do this for him. I stand amongst the “Silent Ranks.” I have no official rank on my chest or put on those combat boots everyday. I don’t spend months on end away from my family. But, I support my husband in everything he’s done and will continue to do. I’m so proud of my husband and everything he’s stood for while defending this country.

You never get used to it, you just get through it”